Day 2

Today is a great day! I get to meet my new cousin Caleb Joshua! Here is the first pic, and I will post more when I get back!

Day 1

Today I wanted to explain myself a bit... I want this blog to be more of an experiment than me ranting on about how I feel about myself. I would like all of you to tell me what you think is beautiful, and what you struggle with. Come on, be brave! Anyway, today I experienced some true beauty, and I wanted to share it with you:

After my boss left for work, Avery and I began the day together. I got her dressed and sat her on the bed while I folded her laundry. She played and cooed and laughed and I folded. Simple everyday stuff, right? Maybe, but to me it made my day. She is so amazing and I enjoy even the most simplest things with her. She makes me feel beautiful. :)

Just the Beginning...

Insecurity. It is a word that I know that most women are familiar with. It is a word that not only fits our descriptions of ourselves, but for some of us it haunts our lives. It manifests itself in numerous forms: weight, physical features, power, security, etc. If I am to be honest, then I have to admit that I have sized up a few women in my day based on looks, personality, morals and oh so many other ways. However, after a few life changes I am beginning to realize my own insecurities. The main questions I find asking myself, God, and the people in my life is "Do you think I am beautiful?" and "Am I worthy?". As of now I am unsure exactly why these questions surface up in my heart like a bouy does with you throw it in an ocean. These are questions I try to stuff way down deep in the darkest part of the ocean of my heart. But, alas, bouys do not sink and no matter how hard you throw them down, they always manage to come back up again.

As a result, I have decided to go on my own journey to discover true beauty and reasons for insecurity not only in myself, but in the lives of other women I know. Most of the time, for me, my greatest discoveries are through typed or handwritten letters to God. So, that is the format I plan on using. Please feel free to comment and give your own ideas on the subject. Thanks and love you all.

SO many things have happened over the past six months. I have lost my grandfather, uncle, and aunt, and now it seems I may have lost my Mitchell. Today I came home from work and browsed through some of my pictures from all the happenings since April. I realize now it is alot. Weddings, funerals, parties, break-ups, a big move, losing a job, finding a job, changing churches... just thinking about it overwhelms me. I wonder if all of it has really sunk in. It just goes to show you that life keeps on going whether you are ready for it or not. I am just glad my DADDY is always here to go through it all with me. I have no idea what to expect next, but I do have a peace that He will take care of me. Lately all I have wanted to do is sit and think about things. Nothing seems to be the same as it was six months ago.

Today is a melancholy day. Rainy with thoughts of him on my mind, wondering where I should go from here. I have no complaints. My life is full. I just wonder what my next move should be. I wonder where God is taking me. I wonder if he will ever call or if he is gone forever. Right now relationships seem fleeting and so do some of the people in my life. Here for a year, but gone in a second. I just need some time to think. I just need some time to soak it all in. I just need some Jesus.

The inifinite abyss in the mind...

Have you ever felt lost? Have you ever looked at the person to the right or the left of you and wondered how they have it all together and you don't? I have spent the greater part of my life asking myself this question. There have been times when I felt all was right with the world or at least myself, but those moments are few and far between. I wonder if I am doing the right thing. I wonder if I am following what God has planned for me. I even wonder sometimes if I am wasting God's time. I realize that I only have this one life to live. I only have today, and I want to live it to the best of my ability. The problem is that I don't know what that means. What do I need to do in a day to be able to say I pleased God? Witness to someone? Work really hard at my job? Have my quiet time? I allow these questions to burn holes into my brain until I start to go crazy. I begin to panic thinking that I may have made a wrong choice here or a wrong turn there. But somehow He always manages to remind me that I cannot do anything to please him. "He knows how I am formed, He remembers I am dust...." I am a speck on a speck on a speck on a speck in this massive piece of creation called Earth. I can find my self on Google maps and zoom out realizing that within a few clicks I am invisible. There is nothing about me that is special. There is nothing that separates me from Joe or Suzie or even Bob for that matter. Its like his Word says... "I am dust...." But the think is He loves me anyway. He loves me because he created me. It is kind of like when you were little and drew that picture for your mommy in art class. It looked just like everyone else's in the room, but you loved it just the same because you created it. You know everything there is to know about those people you drew. You know all the memories that have been made in that house behind your family portrait, and you know that the picture you created will make your mommy and daddy smile. God created me. I wasn't some cosmic error, a product of a bang, or some coincidental accident. I was planned long before the earth was even created. I was planned when Jesus died for me, and I was planned when my mommy and daddy were married. I may be a speck on this earth or even a speck on a speck on a speck on a speck. But one thing still rings true... God cherishes me. He is always here with me and He always will be even if I do get lost in that infinite abyss in my mind.

It's the boring things in life that always seem most important...

It is nice to blog. This is something I have forgotten over the past six months, but realized today I needed to get back to it. I want to tell you my stories. Here is one you might enjoy:


Last night my boyfriend and I decided to go to a late movie. The movie itself, Up, was nothing short of inspiring and I highly recommend it to everyone. Anyway, we came in separate cars and once we got back into the parking lot I followed him back to my house. I rolled down the windows and blasted some praise and worship music. It was the perfect night for this. As we drove the 25 minutes back to my house, I just let my mind wander. I thought about how great it was to spend this night with him. I thought about how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family, and I thought about how incredible it is to have a God that loves me so much. Then, I thought about him, the one in front of me, the one I am spending my life with. I thought about the stress in his life now, and all he has been through. Then something incredible happened. He rolled down his windows, and stuck his hand out to feel the wind pass by. Moving it though the air, I could tell he had a great night too and was truly enjoying something as simple as sticking his hand out the window. When I saw this from behind his car, I was touched to the point of tears. It may sound silly to someone who does not know him, but for me this was huge. It astonished me that someone who has lived though so many hard times is able to just enjoy the simple things. He is someone who "gets it". He never takes a second for granted, and always seems genuinely thankful for the company he keeps. To him every second is precious, and although he may have his moments like we all do, he truly loves life. So, as I watched him drive through the cool night feeling the wind on his hand and face I thought to myself, "My cup runs over".

Today was a great day. Have you ever had a day full of nothing special but left you feeling really good? Well today was one of those days. I really enjoyed my kids today, I got to spend time with a friend, went shopping, and now I am doing laundry and listening to Shane and Shane. Life is good. Simple and good. I hope all of you are well also.


Love,

Katie

miles davis and bowtie pasta

I am not quite sure why, but whenever I make pasta I am suddenly in the mood to turn off the television and listen to Miles Davis. I love sitting on my couch to eat while his crazy melodies fill my space. If makes me feel as if I am in a room full of people in a sexy high rise restaurant over looking the city. I imagine myself in a fancy sequin dress just sitting back and enjoying myself. But, alas, it is just me and my couch.... maybe I will watch tv tonight.

Why are our people not there

Where are the people that know them
Where are the people that care
Where are the people that see them
Why are our people not there

Who will heal the sickness
Who will ease the pain
Who will go to help them
Why are our people not there

Why are the people alone there
Why are the people suffering so
Why are the people not heard
Why are our people not there

How can I go on living the way that I do
How can I go on pretending I never saw
How can I go on with my life here
Why are our people not there

The people there need salvation
The people there need healing
The people there need peace
Why are our people not there

Everyone needs Jesus
Everyone needs hope
Everyone needs to belong
Why are our people not there

I feel alone in my wonder
I feel alone in my struggle
I feel alone in my journey
Why are our people not there

My heart is in the people of China, in India, and Spain
My heart is in the people of Brazil, in Morocco , and Ukraine
My heart is in the people of Chad, in the Congo, and Hungary
Why are our people not there

My heart will not rest till I am out there
My heart will not rest till I am gone
My heart will not rest till I am sent there
Why are our people not there

I will pray till I get there
I will pray till I'm gone
I will pray till I'm sent there
Why are our people not there

Last Week
I came from the land of poverty
I came from the land of ignorance
i came from the land of the struggle
I came from the land of the lost

I came from the land of idols
I came from the land of chaos
I came from the land of dirt
I came from the land of sickness

I came from the land of beggars
I came from the land of pain
I came from the land of the hopeless
I came from the land of rain


Right now
I live in the land of new
I live in the land of trust
I live in the land of freedom
I live in the land of too much

I live in the land of size matters
I live in the land of clean
I live in the land of money
I live in the land of greed

I live in the land of convenience
I live in the land of opportunity
I live in the land of climbing ladders
I live in the land of the blessed


From here
I strive for the land of perfection
I strive for the land of love
I strive for the land of grace
I strive for the Winged Dove

I strive for the land of peace
I strive for the land of joy
I strive for the land of hope
I strive for His only born

I strive for the land of holiness
I strive for the land of justice
I strive for the land of the guiltless
I strive for His Righteousness

Forever

I will live for his every blessing
I will live for his every word
I will live for his every message
I will live for his precious gift

I will live for his perfection
I will live for his love
I will live for his song
I will live for his presence

I will live for his wisdom
I will live for his creation
I will live for his forgiveness
I will live for his Great Commission

Tuesday count down

Its Tuesday and I am leaving in three days.... I am getting excited now and no longer feel scared. Thank you all for your prayers. Keep praying as I prepare to go!

did someone say India?

Hello Folks,

It is Monday and I leave on Friday. Please pray for my trip. The whole trip is about 24 hours including 3 plane rides and an exciting trip up the mountains in a very crowded van. It is a medical mission, so pray I don't pass out! Ill keep you updated throughout the week about things as they come up. If you want to see where we are going type in Sikkim and Siliguri in google images.... it will give you an idea!

nothing to fear but fear itself.

There really is nothing to fear but fear itself. Sometimes I find myself in a state of fear. Not extreme knock your socks off kind of fear, but the fear that comes softly. The kind that makes you think something is wrong but you just are not quite sure what. I once thought I was alone in this, but I realize now I am not. It just comes sometimes without warning or reason and makes you want to hide out for a while away from everyone and everything. Maybe it is caused by stress or maybe it is spiritual warfare. Whatever it is, it is enough to stop you and prevent you from the wonderful things that may come your way. God says He will never leave me nor forsake me, and I believe that. But even as I write this I hear emergency sirens off in the distance which is an ever present reminder of my humanness, and a reminder that God may be in control, but that does not mean bad things will not happen. It also does not mean that spiritual warfare does not exist. I am living proof of that.

Small mountains for God, big miracles for me

As many of you already know I am going to India for a few weeks in September on a mission trip. We are going to be in the northern mountains evangelizing to the slaves who work in the tea fields. Incredible, right? The past few weeks I have been raising financial support for my trip, and the money had been coming in, but it was coming in very slowly. I found out at our meeting last Wednesday that I still needed $1,100 dollars and I only had till Sunday at 6 to get it in. It was then I began getting nervous. I was not doubting that God could get me the money, but I did start to doubt if I was meant to go... until yesterday. Here is the story:


Thursday I began calling everyone I had sent a letter to asking them for money. Most of the people I called said they were not able to give, which left me with only Sunday to raise the money. Lately my job has been very demanding and I had two engagements on Friday and Saturday that I could not miss. So, Sunday it was. I got to church on Sunday very hopeful and knowing that God would provide. I went to Sunday school telling everyone how much I needed to raise, and a few people began to empty their wallets, $5 dollars here, $20 there. It was not much, but it was a start and I was thankful for every penny. When I got to the service I began to get nervous because I knew afterwards I had to inform my pastor on whether or not I had the money. The service ended, and I only had about $35. I walked downstairs to meet a few girls from the youth feeling completely defeated. When I saw my friends my eyes filled with tears, and I lost all control of myself. Determined, my new buddies Abbey and Samantha, began calling all of their friends asking to support me. Abbey immediately thought of her uncle and called him. She was on the phone with him for what seemed like forever, and when she finally hung up she said he would discuss it with his wife and call us back. The rest of that afternoon passed at a snail's pace. When I got to church I talked with a few people and got about $50 more. During the middle of the service I received a text message from Abbey saying her uncle, a man I had never met, was willing to give me $500. That meant I really only needed about $515 more. When I told my pastor what had happened he said that I had to decide that night if I wanted him to purchase the plane ticket. I knew then, after getting a check from a stranger that I could not say no. So, I went out on a limb and promised him that if I did not get the money from my supporters I would write him a check for an amount that I did not have. He agreed to pay my balance as long as I had the money at the church the next night by 6:00 PM

Today when I woke up I knew my only mission was to get that money. I went around my school asking teachers, and by the end of the day I left work with $135.... down to $380. My friend Gail called and asked me to come over to her house and she met me at the door with a $50 check... $330. I ran in to Chickfila to get some dinner and asked around a few people working there and was shot down, but then Abbey called again and said her mom had a check for me. So I drove back across town to receive a $100 check...$230. I called my Sunday school teacher and he asked me to meet him at church. When I got there he gave me $200. At 5:55 I was thirty dollars short, so I walked around the fellowship hall asking for the thirty dollars. I finally heard a voice that said, "I have thirty dolllars!" By the time she handed me the check it was at exactly 6:00 PM all my money for my plane ticket was in.

And Jesus said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you... whatever you ask in my name you will have..."
Praise the Lord.

Lately

About a week ago I got back from a mission trip to Clarkston, Ga which is really close to Stone Mountain. Although the drive down there was less than an hour, I felt like I was in another country. It was the hardest mission trip I have ever been on because of the children and staff we worked with. After the trip was over I realized that my purpose of the trip was to serve our volunteers instead of the kids. I prepared most of our materials before we left, so my job was to just help when needed. During the trip I met many new people, some of them being high school students. I have discovered a wonderful opportunity to mentor a few of these girls and I cannot wait to see what the next year holds.

...and Jesus said "GO"

I'm ready to go. I'm ready to get out there and share the gospel. My heart aches for Scotland, and the more I think about it the more I feel like I want to go there. I have no clue what God has in store, but I am so ready that I feel heartbroken that I cannot be where he will one day send me. Working at the church this summer has not only taught me so much, but it has increased my passion for missions so much that I have almost forgotten that I am still a teacher for one more year. All I know is Jesus is the only one who can get me through this next year, he will be the one to remind me my time is just around the corner. In fact, it is exactly one year away. So I encourage all of you to stay posted on this blog as I take you with me through the journey of preparing to be a missionary. Its going to be incredible.

Tamar

Accompanied by virgin companions, dressed a sack cloth, covered in ashes, Tamar approached Him. He was seated on a throne high and exalted, and the train of His robe filled the temple. Above Him were seraphs each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is filled with his glory. As the throne grows closer and closer in the dark eyes of Tamar, she thinks about how unworthy she is; she thinks that she shouldn't be here. As she finally approached the steps of this heavenly realm she fell to her feet in reverence, but mostly in grief. Her life had been taken from her, and she had grown to believe her worthlessness. But the Father, he saw her, stroked her hair with his gentle hand and found her face under her shiny dark hair.Tamar shook with fear, and could not bring herself to look at him. But the Lord, with his grace, held Tamar's face in both his hands and softly kissed her forehead and both her cheeks. As He did this a tear fell from her empty eyes. Without so much as a whisper the Lord cleaned the ashes from her body with his hair, removed her sack cloth, and clothed her with a beautiful gown woven with gold. He then placed a deep purple robe around her shoulders covered in jewels. He took her by the hand, led her down the stairs, and held her as they danced together. The heavenly hosts singing behind them. As Tamar wept and became weaker and weaker, the Lord picked her up and held her close as they continued to dance. He then leaned into her and whispered, "Tamar, beloved, you are no longer a slave to your ashes and your sack cloth. You are mine. You are my princess." At that point Tamar's body fell limp in His arms and she stayed there all night as He sang over her and carried her as they danced.

Oh! One more thing.... miles davis is excellent to accompany your summer evenings.

sum sum summertime

Is it just me or is it hard to stay motivated during the summer? During the school year I am motivated by lack of time, but now all I have is time. I know you are thinking, "well at least you don't have to work in the summer!" I know, I know, I am one of the lucky ones, but it is very difficult to go from having not enough time in the day to having all day! I have things I could be working on, but motivation is anywhere but present. I did however find the time to find the hottest snake skin heels today and a really cute black bathing suit. Neither of these were on my to-do list, but it was much more fun buying heels to go with my new pencil skirt than staying here and working on things. So all in all I guess I did accomplish a few things. :) I guess tonight I will get lost in my Bible studies and prepare for my class I am teaching tomorrow evening. If you find yourself bored and reading this... call me... I will probably love the distraction. ;)

its been a while....

Well I realize it has been a while since my last post, so I just thought I would give you an update on my life for those of you who read my blog.... All things are great I am going to India in the fall and I am in the process of raising support for this mission. I need your help financially, but I also need your prayer support. I will be going with a group to minister to the slaves of the tea fields in India. We will be going door to door in the slums telling people about the miracle of life, JESUS CHRIST! I appreciate any support you can give me! God is doing great works and I am being continually blessed everyday. It is amazing because I am a very inconsistent person and I often times let my emotions get in the way of things. For example, if I do not feel like doing something at that moment, but I know I have to I have noticed I kindof get an attitude. Like tonight for example, I wanted to stay home and rest rather than go to church. However, God knew I needed the fellowship. When I got there I was blessed by hugs, words of encouragement, prayer, and devotion. I left feeling restored and renewed. God is good, and I am so glad he knows me better than I know myself. Somebody needs to keep me in line, and I don't do a very good job at that, but he does! Thanks to those of you who read my posts, it means alot to know you care about my thoughts. I write not only for myself, but to encourage you. I hope you are blessed by my page as much as I am blessed by you reading it! Thanks again, Katie