SO many things have happened over the past six months. I have lost my grandfather, uncle, and aunt, and now it seems I may have lost my Mitchell. Today I came home from work and browsed through some of my pictures from all the happenings since April. I realize now it is alot. Weddings, funerals, parties, break-ups, a big move, losing a job, finding a job, changing churches... just thinking about it overwhelms me. I wonder if all of it has really sunk in. It just goes to show you that life keeps on going whether you are ready for it or not. I am just glad my DADDY is always here to go through it all with me. I have no idea what to expect next, but I do have a peace that He will take care of me. Lately all I have wanted to do is sit and think about things. Nothing seems to be the same as it was six months ago.

Today is a melancholy day. Rainy with thoughts of him on my mind, wondering where I should go from here. I have no complaints. My life is full. I just wonder what my next move should be. I wonder where God is taking me. I wonder if he will ever call or if he is gone forever. Right now relationships seem fleeting and so do some of the people in my life. Here for a year, but gone in a second. I just need some time to think. I just need some time to soak it all in. I just need some Jesus.

The inifinite abyss in the mind...

Have you ever felt lost? Have you ever looked at the person to the right or the left of you and wondered how they have it all together and you don't? I have spent the greater part of my life asking myself this question. There have been times when I felt all was right with the world or at least myself, but those moments are few and far between. I wonder if I am doing the right thing. I wonder if I am following what God has planned for me. I even wonder sometimes if I am wasting God's time. I realize that I only have this one life to live. I only have today, and I want to live it to the best of my ability. The problem is that I don't know what that means. What do I need to do in a day to be able to say I pleased God? Witness to someone? Work really hard at my job? Have my quiet time? I allow these questions to burn holes into my brain until I start to go crazy. I begin to panic thinking that I may have made a wrong choice here or a wrong turn there. But somehow He always manages to remind me that I cannot do anything to please him. "He knows how I am formed, He remembers I am dust...." I am a speck on a speck on a speck on a speck in this massive piece of creation called Earth. I can find my self on Google maps and zoom out realizing that within a few clicks I am invisible. There is nothing about me that is special. There is nothing that separates me from Joe or Suzie or even Bob for that matter. Its like his Word says... "I am dust...." But the think is He loves me anyway. He loves me because he created me. It is kind of like when you were little and drew that picture for your mommy in art class. It looked just like everyone else's in the room, but you loved it just the same because you created it. You know everything there is to know about those people you drew. You know all the memories that have been made in that house behind your family portrait, and you know that the picture you created will make your mommy and daddy smile. God created me. I wasn't some cosmic error, a product of a bang, or some coincidental accident. I was planned long before the earth was even created. I was planned when Jesus died for me, and I was planned when my mommy and daddy were married. I may be a speck on this earth or even a speck on a speck on a speck on a speck. But one thing still rings true... God cherishes me. He is always here with me and He always will be even if I do get lost in that infinite abyss in my mind.

It's the boring things in life that always seem most important...

It is nice to blog. This is something I have forgotten over the past six months, but realized today I needed to get back to it. I want to tell you my stories. Here is one you might enjoy:


Last night my boyfriend and I decided to go to a late movie. The movie itself, Up, was nothing short of inspiring and I highly recommend it to everyone. Anyway, we came in separate cars and once we got back into the parking lot I followed him back to my house. I rolled down the windows and blasted some praise and worship music. It was the perfect night for this. As we drove the 25 minutes back to my house, I just let my mind wander. I thought about how great it was to spend this night with him. I thought about how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family, and I thought about how incredible it is to have a God that loves me so much. Then, I thought about him, the one in front of me, the one I am spending my life with. I thought about the stress in his life now, and all he has been through. Then something incredible happened. He rolled down his windows, and stuck his hand out to feel the wind pass by. Moving it though the air, I could tell he had a great night too and was truly enjoying something as simple as sticking his hand out the window. When I saw this from behind his car, I was touched to the point of tears. It may sound silly to someone who does not know him, but for me this was huge. It astonished me that someone who has lived though so many hard times is able to just enjoy the simple things. He is someone who "gets it". He never takes a second for granted, and always seems genuinely thankful for the company he keeps. To him every second is precious, and although he may have his moments like we all do, he truly loves life. So, as I watched him drive through the cool night feeling the wind on his hand and face I thought to myself, "My cup runs over".