Sunday, April 27, 2008

Fallin asleep to the sound of stars shooting round the moon. But I cant watch them fly tonight baby...Im to busy watching you. I guess your smile is the Son's way of lighting up whats dark. So shine, shine, shine for me baby. It only takes a spark.

~Matt Wertz
This is what I am looking for.


Monday, April 14, 2008

Well I did it. I have finally completed my masters. Today I wrote my final paper, and now all that is left is my portfolio. Although the weeks seemed to go by very slowly, I also feel like the time went by quickly. I now can say I am a master at teaching children how to read.... HOW COOL IS THAT!?! I feel like I should be celebrating but I am not quite sure how to celebrate for this accomplishment..... any ideas?

Saturday, April 12, 2008

assisted living and waffle house.

Today has been an interesting day full of various emotions. I never thought that an assisted living home would be a place of comic relief. In my mind assisted living means you are almost to the jumping off point. In fact I thought of it as one of the most depressing places a person can go. However, it just isn't so.  There is something comical to me about the dining hall in this place. Today my cousin and I went to see my grandfather before lunch. Eventually one of the nurses came in and told us it was time to eat. So, Grandfather, Jess, and I all walk to the elevator to go downstairs to the dining hall. Ok. I want you to think about this. An elevator? I mean those doors close pretty fast. How in the world is a person with a walker suppose to make it out of an elevator in one piece? Sometimes I cannot even make it out of an elevator without it nearly cutting off one of my limbs! Well, Jessica and I must have had the same thought because she immediately put her hand in front of the door to keep it from closing. An act, although thoughtful, was completely unnecessary. They have programmed the elevator to stay open for what seems like an eternity! Hahaha. I mean I think I could have left the elevator and ran a lap around the building before that door would have closed on me.  Anyway, after we got of the elevator we walk into the dining hall. And we were a bit late because we had been visiting. As soon as we walk in they all start to talk. Who are they? Why are they here? It was as if visitors determined your popularity at this place. Then I saw it. The line of walkers parked up against the wall. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Every person walks in and parks their walker like they are going to a drive in moving before they sit down. But it gets better. They say birds of a feather flock together, well this could not be more true of Grandfather's dining posse. There are about seven of them that all sit at the same table. Grandfather, who has dementia, along with three other males who also have dementia. There is also a blind women with a mind as sharp as a tack and a man that mumbles every word he says. Here is the conversation (and keep in mind my grandfather is a former reverend with a VERY dry personality and completely straight laced):

Grandfather: (completely and obviously bragging) These are my beautiful granddaughters. They came to visit me today.
Blind lady: Nice to meet you ladies
Mumbling guy: totally not sure what he said
Grandfather: (under his breath) This guy talks all the time. I don't know what the hell he is saying.

Bahahahahahahah. I mean just imagine it. Never in my life. Thats all I can say.

Then later, the mood of the day completely changed. My struggle lately is wanting to have friends close by to talk to but not having any. Don't misunderstand I have friends, but living in Gainesville I have to spend the majority of my free time alone. I don't really have any friends here. So after my visit I was dreading going home and working on things.  But, I decided to call a friend to meet me and work on things together. We ended up at Waffle House talking for about four hours. Philosophizing over coffee and pecan waffles. This is what I got from the conversation:

God is simple. He is black and white, yet He is complex in His simplicity. We have choice when it comes to believing in him, and there are four options to believing in God: (A)There is a God and you believe in Him, (B)There is a God and you do not believe in Him, (C)There is not a God and you believe in Him, or (D)There is not a God and you don't believe in Him. I mean think about those options. It is mind blowing to me. Imagine yourself in each situation. Option B you are risking everything, option A you can lose nothing, option C you lose nothing, and option D gives you no reason for living. These conversations thrill me, challenge me, and enlighten me and I hope reading this does the same for you.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Crush on, Crush off

Last night I was finally able to have some adult conversation. Teaching five year olds for a living makes your realize how important this is. Considering I live in Gainesville, where no one else is, I find myself talking to five year olds more than adults. So last night Love invited me to tag along with her friends. Not only was I able to talk to adults, but I was involved in intriguing conversation. I love being able to catch a glimpse into people's lives, their struggles, their joys, and what motivates them. Last night it just happened to be Jason Tatum. What an inspiring person. Who knew he was such a wonderful writer and eloquent speaker. I was given the privilege of hearing his life story last night... wow is all I can say.

It was also interesting how I ran into people I have not seen in years. Eli for one. I knew I missed her, but did not realize how much. Seeing her was like going home for Christmas. It was familiar and reminded me of memories I had left behind. I love old friends. They remind you of who you are and where you have been. Eliza is one of those people that makes you feel special. When you talk to her you feel as if you are the only person who exists. She remembers people that you figure she has forgotten, asks about things you once struggled with, and encourages you in all the new decisions she has not been a part of.  Finding a friend like her is like finding a  needle in a haystack. And even though it has been years since I have seen her I still feel as if I hit the jackpot. So thanks for showing up last night Eli and thanks to everyone else for wonderful conversation and friendship.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Not myself

Do you ever have those days where you just cannot get motivated to make something of yourself? Well, for the past month that has been my life. I really have so much to do: finish my masters, write about a million papers, and finish my missions application. However, the more I have to do, the less motivated I am to do it. I am really not sure where this comes from seeing as I am a habitual doer. I do not feel productive unless I can cross everything off my official to-do list. And yet, here I sit on my computer writing about how I just can't even begin to think about being productive. In fact, it is almost 3 in the afternoon and I am still in my pajamas listening to Ingrid. I need to do something. Get dressed. Clean. Anything to be productive. Maybe I am tired, maybe I am lazy, or maybe..... Maybe I know I am leaving in a year and I think that the less I do, the longer I can stay here. Don't get me wrong, I want to go on missions, but in all actuality is not something I would plan for myself. I like the idea of staying here, teaching, getting married.... But adventure is calling me and sometimes the call is so loud I can barely hear myself think. So maybe today is one of those days. Maybe today its ok to not be like my normal self. I think I will enjoy it. Spend it with people I love and just hope that they will inspire me to get moving like they normally do.